Ok, so here’s the deal. In the last 2.5 years or so I’ve been dating guys as a young 20-something woman does, and when we get to the point where we are exclusively dating and taking it seriously the guy seems pretty smitten (not to toot my own horn, just saying). He’s calling me a unicorn, making jokes about changing my last name, making plans for the future – that kind of stuff. Things are really great. Sometimes they’re great for a few months, 6 months, or year. Then all of the sudden he ends it and it blindsides me every time. There’s no arguing, there’s no mutual feeling of disinterest, there’s no plainly obvious reason for it (at least not to me). It just isn’t what he worked it up to be in his head or he just doesn’t love me like he thought he did.
This is not at all how I pictured my dating life going. Wasn’t I supposed to be the heartbreaker?
It’s like I unintentionally cast a spell on him when we start dating and then it always wears off before I’m expecting it to. There’s always a week or two leading up to the break up when he starts slowly pulling away, but I never recognize it until it’s over. It also coincidently seems to be after a weekend or week apart due to one of us traveling. It’s like he escaped the magic for a moment and it made him realize I wasn’t the perfect girl for him that he thought I was.
I know I’m not perfect. And no one is. Looking back I think maybe we both worked it up a little too much in our heads. But what do I know? Obviously nothing.
It’s not like I think I’m doing anything wrong like cheating or constantly nagging or asking him to choose his friends over me. I’m just being myself. But no woman wants to be with a man that doesn’t love her. So I move on and on again. Always wondering what was really going on in his heart and head, because of course it’s never fully explained to me. (But props to the guys that could actually look me in the eye, even if I had a few tears in them).
Now, I think I need a serious heart break for a while because this is exhausting. So to all my girls who have been going through one guy after another, I hear you girl. It’s exhausting.
The thing is, no one really explains to us how to work through dating. Parents, mentors, pastors – they all give us a great idea of what is good and what is bad. But other than that you’re kind of in the dark. Why is that? How come no one sits us down and gives us a map to navigate through dating? Probably because no one actually knows. So we’re all just wandering around doing our best to stumble upon the person we want to spend the rest of our life with. Actually, when you put it that way it seems like things aren’t going too bad.
So here’s to all the heart broken and heart breakers just trying to find their person.
Oh, and shoutout to all the friends that get us through dating. They’re the real MVPs.